


Smile

by Strudelxdoodle



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Sad with a Happy Ending, emotional episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 05:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5955979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strudelxdoodle/pseuds/Strudelxdoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnathan's nights are spent dealing with his demons. The last thing he wants is to break down in front of his friends or let them know what's been going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smile

This has been happening for a week now. Johnathan would get randomly emotional and break down crying for most of the day. It wouldn’t happen until he was completely alone to his raging thoughts on life. It didn’t matter if he had a fun session with the guys or his dog did something adorable.

This none stop crying for no reason always came without a warning. The man could be at such a good mood then less than a second be a miserable mess. His house was filled with sobbing each night when he went to bed after recording a video.

Johnathan would climb into bed, ignoring the fact he wasn’t dressed for bed and start sobbing into his pillow. Sometimes there was a reason for the fits, but most of the time there was nothing except an empty feeling. He would lay there on his bed and hear little paws scurrying to his room.

His dog would nudge the door open and hop into bed with him. The warmth and comfort is what finally made Johnathan fall asleep; that and the exhaustion. Everything felt like a void during these times to the point he would question himself. This shouldn’t be a normal thing for him. Not when he has such good things in his life.

The gang started to notice how quickly their friend would be about getting off after they had enough footage. He would usually stay be hide for some lame jokes being exchanged and leave with goodnights and see you laters. Now all his friends got was a quick “bye” and he vanished off the call.

One night Johnathan, Evan, David, and Tyler started a game of GMOD sandbox. They had fun spawning dinosaurs after each other. There was laughter everywhere even in Johnathan who was beginning to feel that void return. It was sad to say that these fits were almost a schedule thing.

It was odd for it to hit him so early tonight. He grew quieter as the mayhem went on. His character was eaten by a dinosaur and not a peep left his mouth as he watched it. He didn’t laugh like he usually did or even scream. He just sat there and starred at his screen.

His vision was becoming blurry as tears formed in his eyes. Everything started to feel heavy as he sat in front of his set up. His fingers were still placed on the keyboard, but wouldn’t dare move. Not until he had to rub his eyes frantically so the tears didn’t fall.

“Are you there, Delirious?” he heard Evan’s voice through his head set. Evan’s character was in front of his and soon Tyler and David’s characters stood next to the owl. Jonathan blinked a couple times and forced a smile as if they could see him.

“Yeah, I’m here. Sorry,” he apologized as he switched through his weapons to show the others he was in fact still there. “I just zoned out is all.” It’s not a lie, but it’s probably not what Evan meant. “You didn’t scream like you usually do when you die,” he heard Tyler’s voice now.

The tears were forming back into his vision and he held back the sob that was rising in his throat. He couldn’t let the guys know what was going on. Late night crying fits of self-doubt was his problem to deal with and not theirs. “Sorry, I’m a little tired,” he replied.

That wasn’t a lie either, but it felt horribly to say. “Well let’s get some more stuff then we’ll get off, yeah?” Evan spoke again as his character pulled out a RPG. The screen went red as he fired it and bodies flew in opposite directions. This should have made him laugh, but as he respawned his character he froze up again.

The lump in his throat was rising and he couldn’t take much of it anymore. He needed to leave now before he made a mistake, but he couldn’t leave. He didn’t want to end the session so early because of his messed up emotions. Tears started fall down Johnathan’s cheeks as his vision was blurred.

Without warning he started to softly sob to himself. The feelings were too overpowering to hide anymore. He felt so hopeless crying as his friends ceased their game play and their characters started rushing toward his. He could hear them trying to talk to him, but he was too far in his mind to hear them.

“Delirious, are you okay?”  
“Dude, are you crying? What’s wrong?”  
“Hey, man! Don’t cry. Tell us what’s wrong.”

Johnathan squeezed his eyes shut and sobbed into his hands. This felt worse than the other nights because his friends were listening to him now. He wished he could tell them why he was crying, but he didn’t know himself. It made him cry even harder.

The void was back restricting in his chest and eating him alive. His body didn’t let him move out of his chair and into his bed. He was glued there crying to his friends who were trying so hard to reach to him. Johnathan couldn’t accept it. Everything was horrible even though it wasn’t.

“Johnathan!”

His head perked up from be hide his hands and he finally looked at his screen. It was a slight blur, but he could make out their characters. All three of his friends surrounded him in triangle form. His friends who cared deeply about him so much he would tell them what was wrong if he could.

Johnathan’s sobs quieted down as he heard Evan say his name again. No one called him by his real name which is why it brought his attention back to his monitor. “Dude, what’s wrong?” Evan asked with concern. All Johnathan could do was shake his head and choke back a sob. “Hey, hey! No more crying,” David spoke. “What’s wrong with ye?”

A force of tears rushed down Johnathan’s face again as the sobs began again. He ducked his head down and watched as the tears dripped off the edge of his nose and down to his lap. Why did it have to happen here? Why did it have to happen while he was recording and having fun with his friends? This was what really made him happy and now it’s ruined.

The sound of something being spawned hit his ears as he continued to look down. Now the sound was increased twice as much. Slowly he raised his head up to look at what the sound was. His friends had their spawning guns out and were spawning teddy bears around Johnathan’s model. His eyes widen at the sight of what they were doing. They were trying to cheer him up with teddy bears. At first the joke of Johnathan’s love of teddy bears was something everyone poked at, but here were three of his friends spawning them by his feet.

The pile started to grow and slid across the ground. “If you’re not going to tell us then here,” Tyler said as the frames became uncontrollably slow. Ignoring the drop of frame rate, the boys kept spawning the bears until an error occurred and the game crashed.

Laughter erupted out of the three as Johnathan starred at the screen, his sobbing slowing down to sniffles. Once they caught their breathes David spoke first, “if yer not going to laugh and be happy because we broke the game spawning stupid teddy bears then I don’t know what to do.”

The other two agreed and something new started forming in Johnathan’s chest. It wasn’t the void, but it felt warmer than the cold he felt earlier. His chest felt so warm. The warmth rose to his cheeks and though his fingertips. He hasn’t felt so nice in so long that he soaked it all in.

A small smile started to spread across his wet face. His friends were the best. Even if they poke fun at him or call him names, he knew it was all for fun and games. The warmth his friends were giving him felt so good he didn’t want to leave. They broke a game with teddy bears just to make him feel better. He was very lucky.

The smile kept on his lips as he minimized GMOD’s error screen and looked at his friends’ skype icons. They were really there for him. He took a deep breath and exhaled before looking around his room. It didn’t feel as dark and cold anymore. He saw the color in everything and smiled to himself before he looked back at the call.

“Thanks guys. It really means a lot to me,” his smile showed in his words. “No problem, man!” Tyler beamed. “We were just really worried about you. You started crying out of nowhere,” Evan’s voice sounded slightly upset. “Are you alright? Do you want to talk about it?” He questioned further.

Johnathan sighed and thought for a moment. “No, not really,” his voice was dry sounding from all the crying that it made him embarrassed to even speak now. “Well we’re here if ye want to talk. Never feel shy not to. We love ye Delirious,” David informed. Tyler gave out a soft shout of “gay” and everyone, even Johnathan, laughed.

“Hey! He’s laughing!” Evan exclaimed as he started up GMOD again. They all went back to sandbox and spawned in a new area. As if nothing happened they continued with their game and the chat was filled with Johnathan’s laughter. Everything felt so fine again. No one pestered about his crying fit and he liked it.

As they said their goodbyes Johnathan changed into his pajamas and slid into bed. The door creaked opened as his dog came rushing in. The Pitbull jumped onto the bed and cuddled into Johnathan’s side. His eyes started to close as he petted his dog’s head lazily. That night Johnathan fell asleep with a smile on his face.


End file.
